Desperate Times, Crazy Decisions: My Wild Journey Through Sugar Mummies and Illuminati Dreams 💸😅
You know life has thrown you into the deep end when you start considering things you once laughed about. Let me take you back to a time when I had hit rock bottom — no job, a four-month-old daughter, and a debt of over 50,000 Ksh. I was drowning, and in my desperation, I convinced myself that creativity was the key to survival. Spoiler alert: creativity is great… but my kind of creativity nearly got me killed. Twice.
Idea #1: Becoming an Escort for Sugar Mummies
At the time, I had no clue what LA’BOND (WE CONNECT) was going to be about. But "connection" sounded like a broad enough concept to work with. So, in a moment of brilliance (or insanity), I created a Facebook and Telegram page offering exclusive escort services for sugar mummies. Yes, you read that right. The plan was simple: one session for 7,000 Ksh. Ten sessions, and boom — 70,000 Ksh! I’d be debt-free, rolling in cash, and life would be sweet.
Surprisingly, I got a client almost immediately. She called, sent me transport money, and gave me a location: Kilimani. Now, if you know Nairobi, you know Kilimani is where the rich people reside. My broke self was about to experience luxury!
I arrived at the house, and let me tell you — it was nice. The woman was beautiful and mature. I won’t mention her age (out of respect), but let’s just say she knew what she wanted. She welcomed me like royalty, serving me food and drinks that I couldn’t even pronounce. After wining and dining, she led me to the bedroom.
That’s when I saw it. On the bedside table was a stack of money. Thousands. My motivation skyrocketed. I gave that first round everything I had — energy, soul, and a sprinkle of my ancestors’ strength. For 30 minutes, I was a man on a mission, feeling like a king. Until…
She looked at me. Dead serious. “You came here to work. I’m not yet satisfied.”
I blinked. Wasn’t that enough work already? We argued for about ten minutes. I tried to explain that my battery was depleted and needed time to recharge, but she wasn’t having it. Then things got serious.
She pulled a gun from the side drawer, cocked it, and pointed it at me. I swear my soul left my body for a second. “You came to work. Continue.”
I tried. God knows I tried. But no matter how much I begged my body to cooperate, it just wouldn’t. The spirit was willing, but the flesh…? Completely useless. After an hour of arguing, she finally took pity on me, handed me 1,000 Ksh, and told me to leave. I didn’t walk out of that house — I ran. I was so scared I wore my clothes while running. By the time I got to the main road, my shirt was inside out, and my shoes were untied.
Moral of the story? Some jobs require more than just a willing spirit.
Idea #2: Joining the Illuminati
You’d think almost getting shot would make me reconsider shortcuts. Nope. A few days later, my bank account was still dry, and I figured, “If I can’t sell my body, maybe I can sell my soul.”
I went back online and found a link to join the Illuminati. Desperate times call for desperate measures, right? I clicked the link and got in touch with someone claiming to be a grandmaster. The “initiation process” involved sending money for a starter kit. I barely had 50 Ksh to my name, but the guy promised that once I joined, riches would pour in overnight.
Now, as a broke man, I may have been desperate, but even desperation has its limits. When the grandmaster started asking for personal details and photos to “seal the pact,” my brain finally rebooted. The whole thing felt off, and I realized I was probably one M-Pesa transaction away from being scammed. I blocked the number, deleted the chat, and sat in silence for a long while.
Lessons Learned
After these two crazy experiences, I sat down and asked myself, “BOND, what are you doing with your life?”
I realized that shortcuts are often traps disguised as opportunities. Sure, things were tough. I had a daughter to take care of, debt weighing me down, and dreams that felt impossible. But if there’s one thing I learned, it’s this: desperation makes you do stupid things, but it also teaches you what you’re really made of.
I survived those wild days, and I’m here now, still pushing. Still dreaming. Still building. Success may take time, but the lessons I learned along the way are worth more than any quick cash I could’ve gotten.
If you’re out there feeling like life is against you, trust me — I’ve been there. And if you’re thinking of taking shortcuts, take it from someone who almost got shot over 7,000 Ksh: slow success is still success.
So, what about you? What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done when life had you cornered? Drop a comment — I could use a good laugh or two.
#SurvivalStories #NoShortcuts #BOND
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