Father’s Pain: Losing a Child at 20 and Finding Purpose(prt2)

NOW,they say life is unpredictable, but no one ever warns you just how cruel it can be. One minute you’re young, hopeful, and dreaming of the future — the next, you’re holding onto memories that never got the chance to exist.

Coming back from the hospital that day… it felt like stepping into a nightmare that wouldn’t end. My wife and I returned empty-handed. The joy we had carried for months was gone, replaced by a deafening silence. The house that once echoed with laughter and anticipation now felt cold, empty. And the worst part? We had to face the reminders of what could have been — tiny clothes we had bought in advance, neatly folded, untouched. Diapers stacked in the corner like cruel jokes from a life that never began.

I remember staring at them and thinking, What the hell am I supposed to do with diapers now? I couldn’t wear them, could I? I even laughed at the absurdity of it all. But it was the kind of laugh that comes from a place so dark it chills your soul.

For three months, grief consumed us. The pain was unbearable, like a weight on my chest that wouldn’t lift. But somehow, we made it through. Our families stood by us, offering support and consolation. Their presence helped ease the burden, and for that, I thank God. But the world outside? It wasn’t as kind.

Our neighbors whispered behind closed doors. We could feel their stares, hear their gossip. Every glance felt like a dagger, every hushed conversation a reminder of our loss. It got to a point where we couldn’t take it anymore. We packed our lives into a few bags and moved. A fresh start, or at least, that’s what we told ourselves.

Fast forward to 2020. We had shifted to a new bedsitter — smaller, quieter, and hopefully, more peaceful. But life had other plans. I was still jobless, scraping by however I could. The funny part? I had to lie to the landlord just to get us into that house. The rent was 9,000 Ksh, and all I had was 2,500 Ksh. Somehow, I convinced him to let us in. Embarrassing? Maybe. Necessary? Absolutely.

And then, as if things couldn’t get worse, the universe decided to throw a curveball. Enter: the pandemic. COVID-19 swept through the world, and life as we knew it changed overnight. Suddenly, I wasn’t just jobless — I was jobless twice. Doesn’t make sense, does it? But that’s exactly how it felt. The curfew, the lockdown… it was like a prison sentence. Money stopped coming in. No side hustles, no odd jobs. Nothing.

But hey, I didn’t just sit around. No, I gained a new skill. You could say I got a diploma in a unique profession — borrowing. I kid you not. I borrowed from everyone. Friends, family, neighbors. I exhausted my entire contact list until even the most distant acquaintances started ignoring my calls. Well… reverse calls, to be precise, because I couldn’t even afford airtime. Each unanswered ring felt like a slap to the face. I was drowning, and no one could pull me out.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel like a loser. There were days I questioned everything. Nights I stared at the ceiling, wondering how I got here. But somehow, we survived. God’s grace pulled us through. By the time the pandemic eased up, we were still broke… but at least we were alive.

Then, a flicker of hope. I landed a job at a friend’s electronics shop. For the first time in a long while, life felt… good. I saved every shilling I could. Eventually, I managed to open an electronics shop for my wife. Man, I felt like a Don. We were finally building something of our own.

But you know what they say about young people and money — we think we’re invincible. I made a bold decision. I quit my job so we could both focus on the shop. It was a risk, but it felt right. We were young, running our own business, and making things happen. Life was exciting again.

And then… we made another crazy decision. We decided to have a baby. I mean, why not? We had our own shop, we were paying bills, we even hired one or two people. It felt like the next step. So we went for it.

She got pregnant. Mission accomplished — thanks to me (young and energetic, if you catch my drift). For a while, life was good. We had a plan. We had hope. But life? Life had other plans.

The moment that pregnancy test read positive, everything changed. The business? Crumbled. Just like that — poof! The good times were over, and reality hit us like a freight train. Bills piled up. Money dried up. We were back at square one, only this time, there was a baby on the way.

And then came the day that changed everything.

23rd November 2021.

Gianna.

I held her in my arms, and for the first time in a long while, I felt hope. She was beautiful. Perfect. I looked at her tiny face, her little hands, and I swore I’d do everything to give her a better life.

But life wasn’t done with me yet.

The struggle didn’t end when Gianna was born. In fact, it only got harder. The business was gone. The debts were piling up. And poverty? It knocked on my door with a smile, serving itself up on a silver platter, as if to say, Welcome to fatherhood.

And just when I thought things couldn’t possibly get worse…

Well, let’s just say, the universe wasn’t done testing me.🤦🏿‍♂️

-BOND

See You Soon....